Dolorosa Saudade is a project of shared grief following the loss of a loved one. It is a community of people vulnerable enough to express their sorrows through the beauty of heart sung words and artistic abilities. Please join us in this project as we express our journeys of grief through unique, unbridled, and unapologetic forms of art.
I remember phoning a friend just hours after I found out about my loss. She too had faced a similar situation and although I don’t know exactly what I was looking for in that call, I believe my purpose was to identify with someone who had experienced a loss as great as mine. This journey of a desired paralleled identification continued throughout the months as I found myself desperately skimming through books trying to relate and find common ground in bleeding hearts. The problem was, in that first despairing lapse of time, everything I read was so hopeful. Endless books written from the perspective of someone who had lost a loved one years past when their path of healing had already taken place to a certain extent. Every page I read, the utter desperation in their pain was missing, leaving a distinct gap between the author and myself. After months of clashing heads with books I couldn’t relate too, I was blessed to find one I finally did. This book was filled with raw emotion, truthful feelings and honest fears. In return, I was filled with a surprising comfort knowing someone else out there was real enough to share the depths of their heart, regardless of how dark and ugly those depths were. Grief is undoubtably one of the worst experiences to go through however when shared, a part of it somehow becomes doable.
After a loss, during the “process” following, the mind can be nasty; it plays dirty tricks on you and makes you feel so alone. I want to create this project with the intent of providing relatable feelings, stories, and expressions, for people going through the same thing you have once been through yourself, particularly in the first year of grief. I want to share the ugly and the beautiful parts of death – the real parts of grief – the real feelings we want to shout at the top of our lungs when someone asks us “how are you doing” and we robotically rehearse “I am well, thank-you” knowing full well we are not. I want the filthy social game of not expressing the dark feelings during this time to be put aside.
Much of my personal blog switched gears following my loss and began to centre around my grief process. I learnt one very clear thing; the people who had not suffered the way I had were at times horrified with the honesty in my words. However, the people who had shared common pains came out of the woodworks asking for more, and thankful for an honest expression of relatable pain. This is the purpose of my project Dolorosa Saudade.